The past few days have been very difficult. My pet bunny, Wilbur died in my arms. Did you know rabbits give off a fucking DEATH SCREAM when they’re about to die?!?! So I witnessed that. I’m a bit traumatized (can you be a “bit” traumatized?). He was my little angel – my precious, special one. he was sick for a pretty long time, but always hung on and appeared in relatively good shape. I’m trying hard not to give in to the guilt that ties me to all the little ways I failed him. He’s gone. I miss him desperately.
In addition to that, new nutso developments have sprung up with Jordan that I am not going to get in to. The wheels are rolling to help him out. Let’s hope he gets to a good spot. I lose my temper and it’s not always fair. Sometimes, he just brings out the worst in me.
Corin’s having a terrible night so far. He’s crying right now – the fourth time in the last hour. He had a piece of raw cabbage at supper, so I’m guessing it’s giving him some bad gas. It’s diaper change o’clock!
So, a month is TOO FUCKING LONG. This has been harder than I thought possible. And that’s not even including some intense Jordan intervention and Wilbur leaving. It’s just too much. Too long. I need a break. And I’m never going to do this again. Fuck that. Fuck that big time.
I’ve been so wiped I haven’t even had time to really think about how much I miss my beloved. Which is a lot. He’ll be home in a week. I’m guessing it’s going to be a long fucking week. At least my mom will be here for four days starting tomorrow. The window to heaven and salvation is close. I might even get to sleep for longer than a 5-ish hour stretch!
Epic diary of caring for two boys. Many farts. 