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THE day!

I had this feeling when husband was finally home. I was making a fruit sauce, and I felt this stirring of emotions. These feelings I hadn’t felt for a long time.

Happiness. I was feeling happy. It was honestly, seriously, and FUCKING MONTH since I felt a happiness like that Not to take away form the utter relief and joy visits from my mom and father in law brought on. This is different – this is relief and happiness along the “it’s over” line.

The days of hell are at a close! Bring on the next chapter!

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LAST DAY!!!

Omg, husband will be home in a few hours. Omg omg.

In short: this has been hell.

There have been good moments, but my stress levels have been peaked for elongated periods of time. Not good. I’m never ever, ever, a la Taylor Swift, EVER fucking doing this AGAIN. NEVER!!!!!!! And as of five minutes ago, I have a fucking crik in my neck. What the fuck? Yes, body, I know, you’re done. SO DONE. Figuratively AND actually!

My mom was here for a few days over Thanksgiving weekend. It was fucking awesome. I got to SLEEP a bunch. Holy santaclaus shit. It was so good.

Fuck, I don’t know what else to say.

I’m dreading how fucking crazy and off the wall Jordan is going to be when his dad gets home. I get it, but I’m burnt out. I’ll try to let it roll off my back but I know it will be hugely stressful (and your body doesn’t know the diff between large and small stress* – it just interprets it as stress. So that’s fun and a hilariously good time). It’s going to make me all on edge and irritable and shit when I should be happy at the return of the male human adult I so adore. And the baby didn’t fucking sleep last night. I wanted to throw both children out the widow. Just sayin’.

* Doctor’s office bathroom stall magic info

I’ll be in Montreal in a few days to run away from Lethbridge stress (wink wink, y’all know what stress I’m talkin’ ’bout).

Until I next need to vent, byeeeee.

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Cinq jours

I’m writing this on the iPad and wow, super tedious to get here. Could t remember my password and a whole song a dance later, I’m finally here in the safe zone where I can be a stupid jerk and no one gets hurt.

We bought a fucking 21 pound turkey from the Hutterites today. It barely fits in the oven. It’s intense. That s a lot of bird. And I asked for a small one. What the fuck is a big one, then?!!?

i got to sleep an extra almost three luxurious fucking hours this morning. Hallelujah! It was so amazing. I can’t want for mr husband to return so that I can do that a lot. Sleeping is so sexy. And I dreamt of Wilbur, so my morning was made. And I’m getting plenty of delicious time to myself, even without mr amazing baby face Corin.

Ok, this is fucking ridiculous, I should be sleeping, not rehashing the day,

gnigt omies.

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Six days left

Awesome-sauce event of the day: MY MOMMY IS HERE! Visiting from Montreal! Heck-yes!

Fun thing of the day: I got to give a pig-headed jackass what-for in a parking lot. At night. In front of the liquor store. It was exhilarating.

Jackass, to his son “Now THAT’S a woman,” (referring to me).

Me: “What did you just say?”

Jackass stops, walks towards me – son stays put.

Jackass: “You should take it as a compliment. You’re sexy,” as jackass walks right up to me, a bit too close for comfort.

Me: “You better back away right now, before I call the police.”

Jackass, reacting quite negatively: “Swear words, bla bla bla,” as he walks back to sonny-boy (I forget what he said, it wasn’t too intelligible, or worth hearing)

Me: “Yeah fuck (repeating whatever I could understand).”

My mom: “What was that all about?”

Me: “Oh, just some sexual harassment.”

Jackass, yelling from a distance: “My girlfriend would fuck you up!”

Me: ”        ” – no response, because, well if you have a girlfriend, why are you caterwauling at random women in a parking lot with a kid? What life lessons were you trying to impart? And, you’re just reacting negatively to having had your chauvinism exposed for all the creepiness it is, so I don’t need to respond or take it personally. And you’re saying this as you back away, so it’s not threatening. You’re just trying to save face in front of your boy. I understand, you jackass. You’re just a jackass. It’s not your fault. I’ll let you have it. It must be hard, being a jackass.

As we drove away, chatting with mum, I wanted to point him out. So I totally unnecessarily shone my high beams right on his jackass of a fuck-face to be an asshole myself, and flashed my lights (to be like “I seeeee youuuuuu, you jackass!” He gave me the finger, pointed, and walked towards the car. Boy, was I scared (I was not scared. Duh, I’m in a car. Cars are faster than jackasses).

He picked the wrong bitch to objectify.

Ok, layterrrrrrr.

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Seven days left

The past few days have been very difficult. My pet bunny, Wilbur died in my arms. Did you know rabbits give off a fucking DEATH SCREAM when they’re about to die?!?! So I witnessed that. I’m a bit traumatized (can you be a “bit” traumatized?). He was my little angel – my precious, special one. he was sick for a pretty long time, but always hung on and appeared in relatively good shape. I’m trying hard not to give in to the guilt that ties me to all the little ways I failed him. He’s gone. I miss him desperately.

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In addition to that, new nutso developments have sprung up with Jordan that I am not going to get in to. The wheels are rolling to help him out. Let’s hope he gets to a good spot. I lose my temper and it’s not always fair. Sometimes, he just brings out the worst in me.

Corin’s having a terrible night so far. He’s crying right now – the fourth time in the last hour. He had a piece of raw cabbage at supper, so I’m guessing it’s giving him some bad gas. It’s diaper change o’clock!

So, a month is TOO FUCKING LONG. This has been harder than I thought possible. And that’s not even including some intense Jordan intervention and Wilbur leaving. It’s just too much. Too long. I need a break. And I’m never going to do this again. Fuck that. Fuck that big time.

I’ve been so wiped I haven’t even had time to really think about how much I miss my beloved. Which is a lot. He’ll be home in a week. I’m guessing it’s going to be a long fucking week. At least my mom will be here for four days starting tomorrow. The window to heaven and salvation is close. I might even get to sleep for longer than a 5-ish hour stretch!

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Day: farts o’ clock

I don’t really feel like writing. I’m fucking tired, as usual. Aren’t you surprised to hear that?

So Corin is wearing a disposable diaper for the first time in 10 months right now, and he’s fast asleep. They’re so fucking thin, and I’ll have to do a night-time change, so I’m fucking thrilled about that. They’re biodegradable and had good reviews. I’m testing them out to see if I can use them solely on my trip to Montreal later this month. I don’t want to be washing dirty diapers while I’m taking a break. Fuck that! No thanks! Another thing is maybe he’ll sleep more comfortably? The nighttime diapers I usually put on him are fucking massive and he sleeps in a yoga-type position with his legs curled under him. Fingers crossed this might be a solution because I haven’t slept a full night since before he was born. I’ll fucking wake up anyway to be all “shit, is he breathing?” every two fucking hours. It’s so great.

We took a little family trip today to Frank Slide. Jordan got all dramatic because I said he had to have some cheese and crackers before he’s allowed a brownie. But otherwise, it was great learning about how people’s lives got ruined when the mountain came crashing down on them. Yeah! Go uplifting stories and excursions! Science!

Lookatthatface! SO WOUNDED! HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME EAT NUTRITION AND VITAMINS! ME WANT BROWNIES NOW IN FACE HOLE! SNARL!

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kthanksbye.

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Day: fuck if I know

So I didn’t write a post yesterday. Whatever. Fuck off, self-pressure.

It’s been a shit weekend full of shitty homework.

Kid comes home Friday to me going “oh guess what? I know about those two assignments you were supposed to hand in today.” Blanched face. Defiance au max. Even some acting out. No, you cannot go outside. “I’m going outside, It’s a free country.” YOU ARE IN MEL COUNTRY! I AM A DICTATOR! RAAAWWRRR!!!! So I squashed that one pretty quick. Not gonna lie, it fucking sucked. Super mad Friday nights. Woop Woop! hands in the air! hands in the air! Thank god jesus invented booze. praise jeesus.

Much of the same today except I fucked off for half the day. Corin had his “I’m a cute fucking baby swimming class” and then promptly fell asleep in the car after that. So I drove around, got a fancy fucking $5 coffee at StarFucks, then went to another drive through and got a greasy fucking burgers. Then what did I do? I drove to where I could look at the no-shit-goddamn-fucking ROCKY MOUNTAINS! It was a beautiful clear day and, oh yeah, it was like I could reach out and touch them. SO FUCKING COOL OH MY GODDDDD!

So you know what else I did? Ok, first, I’m breaking out like a fucking teenager that smears gymnastic pads and pizza on her face. STRESS? HUH? WHATTT? So, this experience has 100000% sucked. Taking care of Mr. Defiant Oppositional Melodramatic preteen that I have to drive everywhere all the time by the power of greyskull, AND A FUCKING BABY – breastfeeding, diapers, night time wakeups, general constant activity, etc… this is, yeah, stressful. So I let my fingers do the walking on over to that Westjet website there and booked a FUCKING TICKET BACK TO MONTREAL! OOOOH YEEEAAAAHHHHH!!!! I’M SO EXCITED I COULD POOP! I got for a week in a few weeks. Husband returns from a month in South Africa, then, uh – BYEEEEE! Woopsie! He be okay with it. Plus, I bring baby with me, so that won’t be so fun for him, and I feel kinda bad, but not bad enough to not go. We all know I need it. I’m turning into a crazy cat lady without the cats.

FUCK EVERYTHING! FUCK IT! FUCK FUCK. BARK BARK!

So my bunny, Tita, was just on TOP of the sofa. Cute rascally rabbit.

Ok, bye. Whatever, fuck.

WAIT! On the plus side, Corin the amazing baby WENT RIGHT TO FUCKING SLEEP! HE HASN’T MADE A PEEP! AAAAHHHH!!!! Course now that I said that, he’ll wake up. Because my words are ALL POWERFUL and control the AIR WAVES IN THE BRAIN-HOLE!

Ok, shut up. No you shut up. No, YOU shut up.